Sunday, February 22, 2009

Time goes by...

It is amazing to me how fast things move. A week just shot by in a fraction of a second and it scares me when I hear things just get faster with age.

I'm a less than a month away from turning 40 and have 25 years with diabetes under my belt. I just went to the eye doctor and my eyes are perfect, except for my need for progressive lenses (I'm getting old, duh). Went to my Endo and spent 20 minutes talking with him about a lot of things. Wasn't a ton to talk about with my diabetes. We made some adjustments because I am running high after I eat a bedtime snack. I need to make more adjustments still.

I don't wear my CGM as much these days, but when I do, I seem to run in really good control most of the day and night, except after bedtime snack.

My daughter on the other hand, has been swinging like a monkey in the trees lately. I made some changes to bolus and basal, but I haven't seen things even out. I am watching the trends and then, *snap* a week has gone by and I haven't figured her out. My only thought is hormones must be raging as she tops 4'6" and 87 lbs at 8 years old.

We suffered a serious loss in the past 6 months. My daughter's diabetes educator left the practice we go to. Anyone with diabetes knows that our doctors don't know diddly compared to the Diabetes Educators. She was really our life line. I would call her day or night and she always had an answer. Perhaps it was many years taking care of diabetes peds patients, many years with diabetes herself or all the training she got taking care of her son with diabetes. She is AWESOME and I can't call her anymore. :(

And since she left, I don't feel connected to that office anymore. I like the doctor fine, she is brilliant and loves my girl, but I feel like I lost my "go to." As time slips by and I watch her blood sugars bounce, I start to feel lost and have no desire to call the office for help. THEY don't know my kid like SHE did. Kinda angry about it still, but again, time moves so fast for me now that I can understand how a grudge could linger for half a year or more.

My months may be gliding by, but that has also served me well. Nights and days of worry over fever and flu, days of lows that just never seem to come up. Super-rubber-ball 400s, then 30s in a three to four hour period; they all smooth out over time. I have found, that if I can stop and hit the pause button, breathe, and look at what is going on , do what I have learned to the best of my ability, that things always seem to work out fine. It isn't the individual blood sugar readings that matter so much, it is what is happening over time.

My last A1C was 7.2 and I was thrilled. I know, we are supposed to shoot for 6.0 to 7.0, but 7.2 made me jump for joy. Remember, I ran high for many, many nights at bedtime, but the rest of my 24 hours in a day I did very well.

Can I make improvements? Always! But my averages are good, I have no complications, I am enjoying my life, I am able to care for my girl AND I can stop and hit the pause button occasionally and appreciate all I have learned. I can live with this without being afraid; I am not afraid.

1 comment:

Scott K. Johnson said...

Time flies by sooo fast. Both with kids and with big goals. For me, getting better with my diabetes management, it seems like I have an endo appointment always right around the corner! I've never had three months go by so fast!