New Years Resolution Update: I Quit the Gym. Boy, I Feel Better.

Yeah, I went to the gym, inspired by my walk challenge, which has been, well, challenging. I actually hadn't been in awhile. They supposedly renovated the place and when I walked in I saw new paint and stuff moved around and a lot (whole lot) of people working out like drones in front of the TVs. I wanted to swim. My body was achy and I heard the pool area was new, but it didn't look new, save for paint.

Anyway, I loaded up my gear and went to the desk and told them I quit. Whew! I feel better. No more feeling bad for not going. Paying and not going. Spending 20 minutes to get ready to go. No 20 minutes to unpack and get dressed after going. No more feeling like crap when I look around at all the college students who look just like I did at 23, but I didn't have to work for it then.

So, I came home and pulled out my Mari Winsor Pilates DVDs from like 1995. The 20 minutes workout was scratched (my copout go to) and won't play, so I did the hour. I did it Sunday too and when a friend asked if I wanted to take a walk that day, I said, "sure!"

Yesterday, I did my video again and am already stronger. Interestingly, even after my first workout, I had to adjust my car rearview mirror because my back was straighter. That was actually at the top of my list of priorities, work on my posture. Pilates does that and I love that I workout laying down almost the whole time (or rolling like a ball).

The steps challenge to do 5,000 every day, well, that is hard. In fact, I am super impressed my doctor does 10,000 every day. On an average day of just taking care of the kid, working, coming home I average about 1,200 steps with no extra effort. Sunday, when I went for a long walk, I only managed to hit 4,750. That is my peak since my last post. The days I'm doing Pilates, I'm generally not walking. I take me stairs...going down, and am trying to get more steps in, but other than going on long walks (time), I don't know how you hit 5,000.

So, I'm adjusting my goals a bit. If I do Pilates, walking be damned. If I don't, I need to take the dog on a long stroll.

That's my plan. I just need to move and the Pilates is stretching me like I need, lengthening my muscles and not killing me yet. I do need to accept a couple of the more challenging moves in the video that I have skipped. I did two new ones yesterday and was surprised I could get my legs over my head so easily. Anyway, stay tuned.

When's it Going to be All About Me?

I don't really want it to be all about me, but I need it to be at least front and center in my life. I am the caregiver of a tween with T1 diabetes. I am a mom with T1 diabetes. It's hard enough to be a mom and pay any attention to self care, but I think that I have slipped comfortably into the role of martyr. On any given day I wouldn't say that, but if you look at my health vs. my kiddo's, I have consciously or unconsciously put her right in front of me, which provides me a battery of excuses for letting my self go.

So the New Year is upon us and I see carts in the grocery stores stuffed with veggies. My gym, the one I pay for each month and haven't seen in awhile, keeps sending me personal trainer promotions, and I need a new pair of jeans. Ones that fit me both vertically, as I am really tall, and in circumference, which has become more challenging that it should be.

I'm not yet at my mid-40s and I have absolutely noticed the five pounds a year they say women stack on just through the aging process, but my own diabetes care makes it so much harder. Insulin, technically, makes you hold on to calories and store it away, that way you aren't letting it run rampant through your body and out with your urine.

Well, viscous cycle, here we come. As I gain more weight, I need more insulin. As I take more insulin, I gain more weight. Screwed, if I leave things alone, which is what I want to do. I want to focus my energy on my kid and family and community and everything else, because focusing on me is exhausting mentally. The games we play in our heads are so disruptive and completely unnecessary.

So, I downloaded a pedometer app and am trying to hit 5,000 steps per day. This is a bit of a challenge when I sit at my desk for my day. Yesterday I hit 3,755 because I took the dog for a walk, but that kinda makes things interesting. How can I add more steps to my day? I am mildly challenged by this, which is saying a lot, because exercise is on my list of to-dos just below emptying the dishwasher, which has become a 20-year battle between my husband and me. I fill, but I don't empty.

Anyway, I am not promising any miracles, nor am I trying to meet some ideal body weight. I would like to fit into easier-to-find-jeans and I need to make an effort at putting my health on the list higher. You know the oxygen mask airplane spiel, right?

I am going to visit my dietician and have her tell me what to do. I haven't seen her in 10 years, so I probably have some stuff to learn. I am also dumping all the clamor and dialog swimming in my brain around what I "should" be doing. Or how I should look or what my outcomes should be.

I know many moms read my blog who have kiddos with T1. I know self-care is hard for you, too. If your willing to share, I wonder how you set aside your responsibilities for them, in order to take care of yourself? Let me know.

Wow! Highest A1c Ever for My Tween

We visited my daughter's endo after wearing the Dexcom G4 Platinum Continuous Glucose Monitor for about two weeks. They actually had some numbers to work with when they looked at changes to be made.

I really hate visiting this practice. In fact I hate it so much we hardly ever go. Every appointment is two hours minimum and they want us back every three months? Crap, who has that kind of time with a middle grader in magnet school? I was dreading this appointment because we switched doctors so we could get in at the time I wanted. She is new and I was anxious.

Turns out I love her. She is young and related to my daughter really well. But she delivered some harrowing news. News I shouldn't have been surprised by, but it was a shocker. 8.8 Hemoglobin A1c. Dude. 8.8.

I remember being 15 and hearing the numbers 11. Yeah, really. I would sit in the endo office waiting room filling in weeks of my log book with 151, 127, 210, 101, 98, 164, 175, 97, 120. I remember the him looking at the numbers when he asked to see my hands. He looked at my finger tips and them showed me. Busted. No evidence of taking my blood sugar and back then the lancets were fat and damaging.

All throughout the holiday my kid has been drifting in and out of the 200s. Only when I give her a 125 percent basal increase does she stay closer to normal. Her sensor died a week ago and begged to have a break from it, so I'll put it on her today, but this is freakin' hard. Hormones are a real bitch!

By the way, she wore the first sensor nine or 10 days and the last one more than two weeks. It started irritating her where the corners of the rectangle poked into her skin, so I think we'll stick with one restart.

Updates on my non-blogged about husband in the next post. Bad news. Type 2 is real diabetes.